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An Excerpt from Calamity Jayne Goes to college
“We’ve got one hell of a crime spree going on right hereon campus,” Frankie announced, removing his glasses when they began to fog up.“What are you talking about, Frankie?” I asked. “What crime spree?”
“Where have you been all term?” he asked and I flinched.
“Uh, who have you been talking to?” I asked. “Ramona the whoofer?”
Frankie gave me a funny look.
“Haven’t you heard about the rash of crimes that have been committed on campus this term?” Frankie went on. “Vandalism. Malicious mischief. Break ins. Thefts?”
Okay, so maybe I did catch some shut eye off and on and had missed these series of events. I was way over-extended. I shrugged.
“So? It’s a college campus, Frankie. There’s bound to be crime. That’s what they have those campus police people for. You know. The ones who should be catching criminals, but aren’t allowed to carry revolvers and instead waste their time writing parking tickets.” And I had a decent collection to prove it.
“Ah, but this is no regular crime spree,” Frankie added. I could tell by the tiny bubble of saliva collecting at the corner of his mouth that Frankie’s juices were flowing.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What he means, Blondie, is that every time our criminal law professor introduces a new crime and highlights the elements of that offense, that same crime is committed that very night--right here on the hallowed grounds of Carson College,” Dixie explained.
I picked up my rear view mirror from the floor of my car and held it up, catching Dixie’s reflection in the clouded glass. And I didn’t even wince. “Are you serious?” I asked. I looked over at Frankie. “Is she serious?” I asked him.
He nodded. “That’s the way it looks--at least to Dixie and me. I don’t think anyone else has made the connection though. We kind of stumbled on it ourselves after we heard about the mugging last night.”
“Mugging?” I grabbed Frankie’s arm. “Crime spree! Ohmigawd! Frankie! Do you know what this means?” I asked.
“That by day this campus harbors a mild-mannered, book bag carrying college student, but by night a psycho serial stalker wanders in search of his next victim?”
I beamed. “Exactly,” I said. “Oh, Frankie!” I reached across to give my confused cousin a big bear hug. “You’ve made me so happy!”
